Do we see God as a narcissist? Most of us would give a forceful “no,” first because we can rattle off “God is love” with fervor, and second because we all know narcissism is bad, and we can also rattle off “God is good.” And yet I wonder if our behavior and perception would play out our empathic denial. Let’s take a look at some common beliefs about God (in the church; I’m not talking about sinners here) and see if perhaps our view of God is a bit skewed.
God is too big to care about me
Narcissists tend to have a passion for greatness – and not in a healthy way. They despise anyone they perceive as weaker than themselves and spend their time and energy on what will inflate themselves. Many will only associate with those they perceive to be their equal or of a higher status. They also have a tendency to lack empathy for anyone but themselves.
The Truth:
God is full of compassion (Exodus 34:6, Psalm 145:8, Nehemiah 9:31, Psalm 103:13, Mark 1:41, Matthew 14:14, etc., etc., etc.). He sees and feels everything happening in our lives. He’s not afraid to associate with those well below Him, and even those who can give Him nothing in return (Mark 2:16). God is most definitely not too big to care about you!
God always wants us to worship Him; He needs me to remind Him of my admiration of Him – for my benefit, of course.
Narcissists crave validation and admiration. Every human needs some amount of validation, but narcissists will happily manipulate or exploit others in order to get what they crave. They may become angry when they don’t receive the “worship” they think is due them.
The Truth:
God doesn’t crave or need our worship. He required it in the New Testament as a guideline when no one could worship or be right with God without the sacrifices (Hebrews 10:1). This requirement has been removed now that we have the sacrifice of Jesus in our place. Worship has become part of our relationship with Him to tell Him how amazing He is, similar to how you might tell your spouse, “I love you,” or “Your outfit is really nice today.” But it’s not a self-centered craving for attention or admiration. Nor will God make you sick so you’ll have more time to worship Him, despite what some people would say (Exodus 15:2).
God needs/wants me to follow Him so I can do His work for Him/serve Him here on earth.
It’s a very common thread for narcissists to take advantage of others in any way that will achieve the narcissist’s ends. Manipulation, deceit, lies, and coercion, often through guilt, gaslighting, and playing the victim, are constant. Have you ever experienced someone trying to guilt you into helping at church or “working for God?” How about manipulating you to work in a ministry because of the horrible state of the world? These are manipulation strategies based on guilt and victimization.
The Truth:
God doesn’t need us to complete His ends on earth. He’s perfectly capable of doing it Himself (otherwise, He wouldn’t be all-powerful (Isaiah 44:6)). However, He chooses to let us help Him – now that’s a beautiful relationship! Also, as the God of all truth (John 16:13), He cannot and will not lie or deceive you in order to fulfill His ends.
I can’t tell God I don’t like how things are going; He’s God!
Narcissists tend to struggle with any kind of criticism. They also often refuse or blow off any kind of accountability for their actions – even if said actions harm people. They always have an explanation for why they “had to do it” because of someone else’s actions.
The Truth:
This one is touchy because it’s true to an extent – God is in control and He has a beautiful plan (Jeremiah 29:11). It is our joy as Christians to live in God’s plan for our lives, even through the twists and turns of life. But rest assured, God can handle criticism and feedback, even if it’s on our way to learning to trust Him. It can be very helpful to tell God what you’re thinking, as He knows your thoughts already, anyway (Matthew 9:4). He doesn’t have to come up with excuses because He takes full accountability for His actions. (John 12:47)
It’s the fault of my own sin that things aren’t going well
Narcissists blame everything that goes wrong on someone else. It’s never their fault, and they are often experts at making others feel guilty and menial.
The Truth:
Sowing and reaping are real, but the fact that you dropped a jar of pickles on your toe is not the fault of you yelling at your spouse this morning. Everything in life is not the fault of your mistakes. God isn’t waiting for you to sin so you can reap the consequences. In fact, He sent Jesus so you wouldn’t have to reap the consequences of your sin! (2 Corinthians 5:21) Nor is God trying to make you feel guilty about everything you’ve done wrong. There is no more condemnation in Christ Jesus! (Romans 8:1)
I hope this discussion has been helpful in breaking down some of the untrue mindsets and thoughts you might have been taught along the way. God loves you so much; He wants you to repent of any sin so you can be right with Him and live in a healthy, life-giving relationship with Him every day of your life (John 10:10).
