There are three basic reasons you might do something you know someone wants done.

1. Authority structure. You know your boss wants you to finish writing up a report. So you do it.

2. Honor, love, or serving others. My cousin’s husband always fills the gas tank in her car. It’s been years since she’s pumped her own gas or had to stop at a gas station on her way to or from work.

3. Fear of man. You worry that your pastor will think you’re not a good Christian if you don’t have this week’s verse memorized. So you spend some extra time on it.

These examples aren’t exclusive, but I hope they illustrate the concepts. Doing things for others that you know they want done doesn’t have to be fueled by a fear of man. Nor does serving others have to be holy – it can be fueled by a fear of how you will be seen by others.

When it comes down to bare bones, whether you’re acting under the fear of man or serving and honoring others is related to your motivation and what your heart is thinking and feeling. The why behind what you are doing.

When you’re serving out of the fear of man, some of your motivations might look like:

1. Doing something so that others don’t see a negative side of you. You might wash the dishes so someone thinks you’re a good housekeeper, or you might overlook an offense just so others think you’re holy.

2. Working harder and more extensively than necessary so you don’t fail. I’m all for doing a good job, but when it’s fueled by a fear or failure, you’re definitely working with a fear of man in mind.

3. Seeking affirmation that your life is going in a good direction. Again, I’m all for considering your life and if you’re going in directions you want to go – directions that are Godly and that fit with your goals for your life. The trouble comes when you’re looking to others to affirm that your direction is good, rather than choosing to follow God and what He has called you in life. For example, I’ve known people who couldn’t deal with the fact that my family homeschooled while their family sent the kids to public or Christian school. They were looking for me to affirm their school choice as “right” – and therefore they didn’t have to be afraid of my disapproval. In reality, I wanted them to do what they thought was right, whether I was doing it or not.

4. Choosing what you’re going to do based on garnering favor with specific people. For example, you might ask a specific person for their advice or offer compliments so they feel flattered so that in the future, they might give you special perks or at least think well of you.

5. Trying to keep everyone happy. A person’s happiness is not your responsibility.

Serving without fear of man is a bit different. Some motivations look like:

1. Doing something you know a person likes for no other reason than that they will appreciate it. My cousin and her husband and the gas tank are a good example. He doesn’t fill her tank because he’s afraid of her wrath or that she’ll think poorly of him if he doesn’t do it. He wants to serve her and love her because he truly loves and honors her. Another example would be if you see a really nice garden decoration, perfect for a friend, at a garage sale, so you buy it for them. You aren’t trying to curry favor with this friend, you just know they’ll like the decoration.

2. Doing your best without being afraid of what others will think if you don’t quite finish in the time you believe they want the task done.

3. Understanding what is expected of you by those around you and meeting those expectations with both boundaries (see this post to see what I mean by the word) and the perspective of the Holy Spirit. Knowing you have a work deadline tomorrow and preparing for it is not the same as fearing what will happen and how people will see you if you fail to meet the deadline.

4. Not defining your life by how much you accomplished or how many people you served (or how many people you made happy) today. Fear of man counts the number of people or situations where you were able to save the day or otherwise wrack up points on the side of good standing in the eyes of others. (As a side note, we do this in the church far too often – “I don’t know what we’d do without Sister Susie; she’s saved the day again and again this year.” While there’s nothing wrong with appreciating Sister Suzie’s efforts, we would be poor friends if we didn’t help her also know that her identity doesn’t have to be in saving the day – we love her and appreciate her for who she is, not for what she does.) Your success in life gets to be defined by how God sees you – and according to the Bible, you already have an A on that report card (see Romans 8:1, 14:4, etc.)

5. Choosing what you do based on your priorities and what God has spoken to you in life. There is a lot of wisdom out there and a lot of opinions. These are not all bad. But at the end of the day, you want to be living your life, not someone else’s idea of what’s good for your life.

There’s a lot more I could say on this topic, but I’ll finish with this: If you see yourself motivated by the fear of man in your service, there is hope! Ask God to deliver you from the fear of man. Live from His perspective. Make Him the first and the best in your heart. And yes – you’ll have to say “no” sometimes. But your life will be a lot happier when you’re not stressed and afraid of how others might view you.