Love doesn’t criminalize, demonize, or otherwise put down one person or party in order to defend or restore someone else, no matter how wrong one party or the other might be. Love recognizes sin and isn’t afraid to call it what it is with words that separate the sin from the sinner loved by God. Love acknowledges pain and hurt, no matter if the victim brought it on themselves or if someone else was the perpetrator. Love’s goal for wholeness, always, and is steadfast through the journey to get there.
It feels so good to judge someone who has failed and/or hurt others – it seems as though you are giving them their just deserts. That somehow your judgment, spread to others, is one small way to make sure the person pays for their crimes. That hating someone who has hurt others will bring justice to their victims.
Hatred will never heal anyone. Hatred doesn’t bring people to repentance – the kindness of God does that (Romans 2:4). Our hatred, word-bashing, and name-maligning will only serve to draw people away from Christ and sever their relationship with Him.
So how do we walk in the way of love, as Paul commanded (Ephesians 5:2), when so many people around us are hating and calling us to hate, as well? Here are a few ways to love:
1. Don’t see situations through emotions inflicted on you by news sources, social media, or excellent communicators. Take a step back. Ask, “What are the facts?” Once you have the bare facts instead of the emotion-driven commentary, it’s much easier to pray and believe in love instead of trying to “get justice” by spreading hatred or living in hatred yourself.
2. Separate the sin from the sinner. Now, just because I know someone is sinning doesn’t mean that when I separate them from their sin, that I’m going to put myself in a position where they can sin at my expense. But when we take a name or a movement or an organization or a political party and make them the definition of “sin” – we 1) make people our enemy (Ephesians 6:12), and 2) condemn them to their sin as opposed to pleading with God to bring them to repentance (James 5:15, John 20:23). Sin doesn’t define us when we’re under the blood of Jesus, though if we keep sinning, it can come to control us (Romans 8:6).
3. Forgive the sinner. There is simply no other way to put it. You must forgive the sinner before you can help anyone (Matthew 18:22, 35). This doesn’t mean that you put yourself in a position to continue to be sinned against “because it never happened now that you’ve forgiven,” but it does mean that you release the person from the debt they owe you or the debt you feel they owe the victims.
4. Definitely feel compassion. Compassion for the victims, of course; loving the victims should be a high priority. Also, though, compassion for the perpetrator. God still loves them, no matter how much they’ve done wrong.
5. Help the victims find their own healing. This seems to be a place where a lot of organized systems for helping victims fall apart. They know how to give compassion, be a listening ear, and even agree that what happened is wrong. But they don’t always understand that there is not only recovery, there is also freedom. Healing begins with forgiveness and then moves on to processing the pain, interacting with God to give Him the pain and the hurt, and receiving His truth, love, deliverance, and healing. (This is not necessarily a simple, easy process, but I know from personal experience that it is real and worth the time and effort to see it into reality.)
6. Refuse to engage with the accusers. The devil is the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10). Jesus didn’t come to accuse – He came to give life abundantly (which is the opposite of pain and hatred) (John 5:45, 10:10). When you side with the accusers, you are siding with the devil. (As I’ve talked about in detail before, recognizing sin is not the same as accusation.)
7. Ask God for His love. Our love is self-effort at best, and it isn’t strong enough to love the way we need to love in a sticky situation where hatred is a much more appealing option. God’s love, which is available to us, is by far a better option – and God is willing to give generously to those who ask (Romans 5:5, James 1:5).
