It’s funny how things happen. This morning, my sister said, “I read the most interesting thing in Isaiah this morning!” And she proceeded to read to me the exact passage I was reading last Wednesday morning:

If you get rid of unfair practices,

quit blaming victims,

quit gossiping about other people’s sins…

Your lives will begin to glow in the darkness,

your shadowed lives will be bathed in sunlight.

I will always show you where to go.

I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places—

firm muscles, strong bones.

You’ll be like a well-watered garden,

a gurgling spring that never runs dry.

You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew,

rebuild the foundations from out of your past.

You’ll be known as those who can fix anything,

restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate,

make the community livable again.

Isaiah 58:9b-12

She brought a few interesting things to light. First, to her, “get rid of unfair practices” is speaking to leaders and how we should deal with leaders who are in sin – they need to get rid of unfair and abusive practices. Second, “quit blaming victims” is clearly speaking about victims. Our job – and our leader’s job – is first and foremost to not blame victims. It’s not uncommon for a victim to go to therapy, and the first thing the Christian therapist wants the victim to do is to accept the blame for what happened. Now, I’m not saying all victims are innocent; quite far from it. But if our first goal is to blame the victims for the things that happened, we have a very warped idea of repentance. Third, per her, “quit gossiping about other people’s sins” is directed at the bystanders – those of us who were not actively engaged with the issue but bear the fallout in some way (even if we were just privy to the name/ministry of one or more of the people involved).

I would like to talk more about restoring and not blaming victims at some point, but today, I’ll be looking at the bystanders. Many people will talk about how to restore leaders (listen to the last 20 or so minutes of this podcast for a unique perspective on that), and many others will talk about the victims. But not a whole lot of people (at least in my circles!) are talking about everyone else – the people in the churches and ministries of these individuals who have fallen, the people who were under the teaching of those who have fallen, and the people who know who the ministry leader or victim is, but may not have a true relationship with either.

These verses from Isaiah speak directly to those of us on the sidelines who are in some way impacted by the scandals riddling the church and music industry at this point. Maybe we can’t get rid of unfair practices, but we can take the next two lines to heart: 1) quit blaming the victims, and 2) quit gossiping about other people’s sins.

I wrote about the need to talk about these situations without gossiping last week, so I don’t want to go over it again, except to add a couple more things about gossip vs. talking about the sin.

Talking about Sin vs. Gossip

1) Processing is not only ok, it’s a vital necessity. Many people will talk about the victims needing therapy, and it’s usually true. But as bystanders, we also need to process our thoughts, emotions, and “where do we go from here?” Talking is how many people process. There’s nothing wrong with this; it’s how God made us.

2) Processing crosses a line when it begins to air grievances against, demean, or discredit the abuser – or the victim. I remember many years ago helping a woman verbally process her (not exactly smooth) exit from a church. The first time we talked, it was definitely processing, and it was quite healthy. The topic came up again the next time we talked, and I felt an instant check in my spirit: If we went down this rabbit hole again, instead of processing, we would begin to discredit and/or demean the perpetrator (the church leadership in this case). Thankfully, the conversation moved on, and I feel we left the issue where it needed to be: in God’s hands.

3) An ulterior motive when supposedly processing quickly becomes gossip. We’re trying to convince someone that we’re right or someone else is wrong instead of dealing with the situation and moving toward a solution.

4) Talking about your story doesn’t have to be gossip, especially if you’re trying to help others. Now, if you have ulterior motives to demean, discredit, or bolster yourself, this goes over the line to gossip rather than trying to help others or explain what in the world happened.

5) Defending yourself is quite likely gossip, not processing.

6) Truth should be our goal in any conversation about sin. If we’re not coming to a better understanding of the truth, then why are we talking about it at all? Hear-say, suspicions, and the Daily Mail aren’t helpful, even when processing. There’s a reason I often refuse to talk about a news-worthy topic until the details can be clarified.

7) Accusation is almost always gossip, not processing. Remember, an accusation is defining someone by their sin (“they’re a liar!”); a recognition of sin limits it to a single (or contained set of) circumstance(s) (“they lied to me!”). Accusation is of the devil, in part because it says a person is an irredeemable sinner instead of recognizing that someone’s action is not an indication that God has given up on them.

8) The end goal of every conversation should be “where do we go from here?” Yes, there is the need to process feelings and emotions and to come to a better understanding of what happened just to put our minds at rest (and perhaps give us a little humility to seek God so we don’t do the same thing). But at the end of the day, we need to take the information and use it for moving forward – not just using the information for entertainment (which as I talked about last week is gossip) or spiraling around the topic endlessly without a solution for us.

So what can we do as bystanders? Here are a few ideas:

1) Pray for the leaders. Remember, you probably don’t know the whole story. Pray for wholeness, restoration, truth, healing, humility (not humiliation, which is of the devil), and wisdom for those trying to help or restore the leader.

2) Pray for the victims. Again, you don’t know the whole story; they likely don’t know the whole story. Pray for peace, healing, the right resources to come their way, forgiveness, Godly support, and that ungodly ties would be broken. It’s also worth praying for their family and friends, especially for forgiveness, healing, and wisdom as they help and support the victim.

3) Pray for other bystanders. Thousands of people get hurt when a scandal happens. I like to pray for grace, for people to make the right choice whether they continue to support (or not) the perpetrators, for healing, for clarity of vision, for truth, and for the Lord to be glorified in each person’s life who might be touched by the sin of the perpetrator.

4) Pray for yourself to get the information you need, be kept away from the information you don’t need, to see clearly what God is doing, and to have the mind of Christ in every situation.

5) Don’t judge too quickly, but also don’t deny all accusations simply because of who is involved.

6) Absolutely refuse to gossip about the situations. As we talked about above, gossip and processing are not the same thing. Don’t be afraid to walk away from a conversation (do it politely, ok?) if the processing is becoming demeaning, dehumanizing, critical, or discrediting toward a specific person, ministry, or group of people.

6) Ask the Lord to make your heart right toward everyone involved. We may not know if the abuser will truly repent or if the victim is making things up, but God knows everyone’s hearts, motives, and actions. Following Him is a much safer way to work our way through these messes than trying to work it out or judge for ourselves.